Some days (like Wednesday) I wake up with a fire. I feel encouraged, hopeful, and creative. It's like magic; all cylinders are firing, right on time. It feels amazing.
And then there are days like today.
When I woke up this morning I felt like I had just survived a cycle in the dryer. Part low-energy, part despair. And, to be fair, not quite despair -- just a underlying feeling of "yeah, right"-ness in my mind, speaking cynicism over my dreams and hopes and projects. Some days I get stuck there (unfortunately). Luckily, I've learned and experienced Jesus still loves me there.
I've also learned...the creator of lies often overplays his hand.
This is something I learned from my spiritual director a while back. Basically, what I take it to mean is that life circumstances likely haven't changed overnight -- and yet when my perspective takes a nose-dive to despair, it's likely not a result of actual happenings, but rather my perspective has been altered, or tricked into thinking reality has shifted. When this happens I loose focus, energy, and clarity.
Saying this doesn't discount my experience of those feelings -- but when I know the truth of reality, and God's goodness, is unchanged underneath the negativity it helps me process through it more quickly. I can honor my emotions and the truth simultaneously. This is often where I meet Jesus, in the middle, on the journey, in the already but not yet. It's also frequently when he leads me to hope.
Although I may get stuck or tricked into hopelessness, if I take a breath and realize the source, I often find my footing again -- kind of like when Peter walked on the water, until he looked down. Jesus reminded him reality hadn't changed, and Peter was safe.
Where do you get stuck?
I'd love to know a bit about your journey, about what you think. Leave a comment below to share.