Sometimes when we let go of relationships we loose the tangible expressions found in those relationships. For me, when my relationship with my dad went on hiatus (and it still is) I let go of playing the piano and taking care of my vintage '65 Mustang that we bought together in 1999.
Playing from my heart on the heirloom piano he gave me, or working on my car, brought up too much pain. Memories or even smells or the touch of the familiar ivory caused pangs of heartache.
Driving my car, largely out of necessity, I would "turn off" those feelings or automatic sensory responses because I had to drive it -- but over time it began to show signs of neglect and wear it previously hadn't known.
As the years accumulate and the space between my dad and I expands I'm finding myself cautiously revisiting familiar territory -- pieces of myself I dismembered.
Tonight I found myself tinkering away on my old mahogany friend, bought at the turn of the last century by my grandma. Out from my fingers came (stiffly and awkwardly) a familiar tune. As I plunked out the melody a chunk of who I am came barreling through my fingers. I remembered myself. Since Jesus has lately been talking with me about the connection between body and soul, it seemed perfectly timed -- how like Him.
It's not always easy to remember, or pleasant. But in the right timing it can be very, very good. My memory came bursting forth with joy and pain tonight, but I was ready for both and I am grateful.
Thank you Jesus for the memories my fingers hold. May you release the pictures and sound bites through my body's movement in familiar territory. Bring me back and move me forward to who you've created me to become.
I invite you to share:
What have you left behind in the fallout of broken relationships?
How do you feel about those sacrifices now?