Six Inches of Guilt

Recently I started taking yoga classes nearby. Bought my own towels and mat after finding a local studio I enjoy.

I was introduced to yoga on our trip east last month. The farmhouse we stayed at offered us several relaxing activities to participate in while we were there. One of the activities was morning yoga. After being cramped and stuffed on planes all day, the idea of stretching and unfolding my body sounded great. And it was. It wasn't at all like I had been taught to believe in Sunday school.

After getting home, and another long travel day, I searched for a local studio and found one nearby that looked interesting. So I signed up and started taking classes. I love it.

And then I decided to buy my own mat. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. What color was the least of my troubles. There was texture and material to consider. Plus, brand, style, thickness ... oh, and size.

After struggling most of my life to fit in, for not wanting to be noticed, being 5'10" and female proved challenging. I learned to slump my shoulders, or cock one knee to not "rise above" the crowd.

One month into yoga with a standard 68" mat, I realized it was a bit too short for my 70" frame. I was initially delighted to find that most yoga mats come in different lengths. So after zeroing in on a brand, color, and thickness I liked, I, like Goldilocks, went with the "just right" 74" mat.

It arrived in a long box and I was thrilled to open it and see its rich raspberry color and squishy touch. Then I got to class the next day ...

and unrolled it.

Those extra 6" suddenly felt obscenely exaggerated. I felt like a giant and instantly afraid of being told it didn't fit ... or worse, that I didn't fit. Yet no one said a word, even as I tried to use my blankets to hide the extra length. My fears didn't materialize, even as I rolled it up to go home.

Today I took a huge step towards self-acceptance. Even in my fear I stayed true to what I needed -- even in my discomfort I chose good fit over fitting in. Even though I was afraid, I didn't take a step back or shrink into the shadows.

In ordering, and later using, the mat that fit my 5'10" I honored the body God gave me.



I believe I am the beloved of Jesus, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made -- help my unbelief.