I said yes to blogging today. Earlier I said yes to a week-long vacation near Yosemite. Last night I said yes to two more portrait clients.
As I was journaling this morning, frustrated by my recent meeting with my bathroom scale, out stumbled several needs I've been neglecting like my apartment, my body, and my soul. Then it hit me: I simply didn't have time or space to say yes to myself when I was saying yes to so many other good things.
And that's the catch - so many of the things I've said yes to are so good. But in the back of my mind I know there's a greater good that I'm being invited to say yes to (it has a lot to do with a previous post).
So how am I seduced to say yes to other good things ("distractions"), when I've been invited on such a wonderful adventure with Jesus? I'm scared. What if I go on my big adventure and fail, returning home with nothing to show for it? So much like Peter from the BIble I get all excited and over-confident and proclaim my dedication to the better invitation before me, luckily I haven't bodily maimed anyone yet, but after all the plans have been made and the bags are packed I get scared. I wonder what I've gotten myself into.
And then Jesus asks: Do you love me? In a defensive reply, "Of course I do." So he asks again, like he did this morning. But this time I realize there's a question beneath the question, and it's: Do you trust me?
I could go on about how true love begets trust, and how the love I have so often experienced hasn't begotten trust, and how that makes it difficult to say yes to Jesus' grand invitation to me - and those would be true words and experiences. But today I feel like they would simply be my way of distracting myself from the question before me: Do I trust Jesus? If I do, then I have an adventure before me that doesn't include saying yes to many things, just one.