Waterfalls, mood lighting, beautiful bamboo flooring - my yoga studio is a place of intentional tranquility. And it's felt that way to me when I go - until last week.
Everything was going normally. Yoga clothes - check. Yoga mat - check. Found a space on the floor and got settled in.
Maybe 20-minutes into the 90-minute class of "table top," "downward dog," and "inverted triangle" I felt this intense anger, furiou-ness, coming up. In the words of a former professor I was "leaking." Emotions I wasn't desiring to experience we're finding their way to the surface. The poses were difficult, and my internal response was nearly rage. I've been in a number of yoga classes before and this was the first time I experienced these feelings in that context.
I couldn't pin what I was angry about. The teacher was fine, the other students were fine. It was hot, but that's not new either. As I reflected after class I realized when the context doesn't fit the feeling something deeper is going on.
Even though my anger wasn't connected to a specific memory or event that I could recall it still needed to surface. And in this case I let it. I let myself feel angry in the moment rather than trying to ignore it because it didn't make sense.
By the end of class while in the final relaxing pose I felt as though my anger was done. I didn't need it anymore. Then in my mind I saw Jesus near me and caring for me. Afterwords I was keenly aware that allowing myself to feel these feelings (rather than being only aware of them) had broken down my internal barriers and allowed me to meet Jesus in my brokenness. Had I tried to "keep it together" I don't think my heart would have recognized his nearness to me.
An Invitation: Talk with me...